We’re always being told about how it’s the little guys who do small things that make all the difference. Well, that may be true – but it’s no way to sell the idea of combating carbon pollution. Nope, what you need is a flashing streak of heroism and a grand gesture. You need the kind of stunt that requires a trumpet fanfare, gasping crowds and a pyrotechnic display that makes Roland Emmerich look like a 12-year old fumbling with a sparkler.
What we got last week was Boris Johnson chasing after ten-year old Vicki Pollards on a bike, saving a female climate change campaigner from assault. Don’t get me wrong: it’s a grand thing he did. Saving women in distress is all for the good, and the fact that he did so on his trusty cycle is a perfect metaphor for politicians hammering away at climate change by doing a little bit of good every day. But don’t you rather wish it were a bit more Hollywood?
Picture the scene: the financial director of UNICEF or something is taking a class of orphans for a sightseeing tour up the Eiffel Tower. Suddenly there’s a creak: the whole thing is going to collapse because a cackling oil baron has nicked a few girders for an oil platform. Down from the sky comes a bio diesel-powered biplane, Jack Bauer hanging off a rope ladder beneath. Up come the orphans; Jack lets off a few rounds for good measure. Cue headlines and spin-off features on the 24 star combating climate change.
The next week, it’s the Royal National Institute for the Blind. They’re having a prize giving ceremony at the National Gallery for children who have sold their toys for charity. Bang! The place goes white for a second. It’s a chairman of a South American coal cartel, holding the lot of them ransom for crack. Bang! Another flash grenade goes off and we see Bear Grylls abseiling through a window, lowered down from a solar-powered Zeppelin. He makes a brief and witty quip, the chairman crumples in horror and the kids get an ice cream.
Is it asking too much? Perhaps. I’m happy with Boris on a bike for now – but maybe we should be putting some of the budget aside for a slightly more action-filled take on climate change. Copenhagen would make a brilliant place for a siege-based rescue movie.
Ed Chipperfield
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Tags: Jack Bauer, Vicki Pollard
