Save Energy. Bombs away

In what is surely one of the most contradictory policy announcements in history, this week we heard that the US Marine Corps are going to run an energy-saving audit. While we all know that the only green thing about an occupying military force is the colour of its undercrackers, isn’t the very act of going in to a battle all about using up as much energy as you can?

There were some incredible figures quoted too. 10,000 Marines stationed in Afghanistan, using 800,000 gallons of fuel a day. Not just fuel, but water has to be brought in from the nearest friendly port. For landlocked Afghanistan, that means Karachi in Pakistan. And Karachi is 400 miles away. It means that the price of a gallon of fuel in Afghanistan can cost the army £60. That’s around £16 a litre for something that costs a quid at Morrisons.

Sorry for this, but I’d like us to do a bit more maths. There’s 10,000 Marines, using 800,000 gallons a day. That’s 80 gallons each a day. Which works out at £4800 spent on fuel for each grunt in the field. Extrapolate from that: there’s over 92,000 US and NATO troops in Afghanistan, who might be burning through nearly £441,000,000 worth of petrol. Every day!

Sweet Lord of mercy, no wonder they’re due an energy audit. Can you imagine the bloke who does your Home Information Pack going round all the tents in Helmand province and rating them ‘F’ for efficiency?

If the armed forces of the world want to bring terrorism to heel – surely spending half a billion on fuel every day is a pretty rubbish tactic? Bloody hell, if you just gave people half that amount and pointed them in the direction of the nearest shopping mall and multiplex entertainment centre you’d have less problems.

You can audit all you like for energy (and we’re fairly sure the auditors won’t be travelling by train but by transport aircraft that get around 100 metres to the gallon), but until the military-industrial might of the world starts to invent solar powered death robots out of recycled cardboard, they’re about as likely to save fuel as they are to find a Lady GaGa poster in Bin Laden’s new cave.

Ed Chipperfield

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